So, the big question is: what is my white count at? I have good news to report. It is at 3700! All of my counts were looking good and in my doctor's own words I am "perfect." In fact he told me specifically to tell my husband that he said that. I knew I liked him for a reason. So now you all know that there is medical back up for me saying it.
The next step is to get an appointment with a doctor at the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion on my dosage level for my Gleevec. My doctor wants to make sure I am at a high enough dosage to keep the disease in remission while not having the negative side effects. I am currently waiting for them to call me back to set the appointment. The great news there is that the doctor that he referred me to is covered by the insurance that we are switching to as of Aug. 1!
And, I am feeling good. Still feeling side effects of the medicine, but overall I have energy and am able to go about my day doing my wife/mommy/professional mover thing! So that's something to praise the Lord about!
I'm just wondering if I could have any more going on right now. I frequently think of things to write on this blog only to have the day go streaking past me and then it is suddenly too late to be attempting to sound coherent. Not that I am very good at it in the middle of the day either, as you are about to find out!
Last week I was babysitting our friends' 3 kids while they were in Russia adopting their new daughter. As if 5 kids during the hottest part of the summer wouldn't be interesting enough, we decided to go with 8. Let's just say they watched more movies and played more PS2 and computer games than they would have if it hadn't been 118. The only other option was to take them out on outings to keep them occupied. Yeah right. 8 kids and a loopy lady on leukemia meds. Sign me up.
So, on top of that we are moving. That fills my plate all on it's own! Packing (let's just say that my skills in this area far surpass Sam's so therefore I am happily packing more of the stuff), change of address cards, calming the children's excitement about their new rooms, having the kids "help" pack. You get the idea.
And school starts next week. School supplies--the lists get longer and more specific every year!--new shoes, calming the kids excitement about their new school, having the kids go through their new stuff for the billionth time. Again, you get the idea.
And Katya is going to play the viola this year. Which means I must procure said viola. I don't remember signing up for viola procurement. There was no class on this in mommy school.
And Emily and Rachel both need braces. Yes I said both. Yippee. One would have been bad enough.
Oh, and Katya needs new glasses. I personally don't see why she just can't sit in the front and squint a little, but we have an appointment on Thursday. Why do all of our kids either have bad eyes or bad teeth--or both? We lost the lottery on that one.
Not to mention we are at the end of summer vacation. You know what that means. The B word. All 5 are horrifically bored. And I mean horrifically. This is the stuff of horror movies--scary moaning sounds included. It doesn't even matter that I am packing all of their toys and whatnot because there was nothing to play with before I packed them. Maybe we'll try to be like Laura Ingalls and each have one simple, handmade toy and be blissfully happy. Ha. That will teach them to whine.
So, that said, blog writing is at the bottom of the list. Not that I don't think about you all, but alas, I am not what you would call a great time manager. One of the side effects of my medicine is having a kind of "medicine head" much of the time. Which makes it harder to remember what it is I was doing and what I was going to do next. Much of the time I sit, pencil in hand having forgotten what I was just going to write on my to-do list so that I would remember it! Man, I sound like a mess! Laura Ingalls would have completed everything on my list and milked the cow and fed the chickens and made a new quilt.
Now before you all start getting upset at me for not asking for help...much of what needs to be done (like viola procurement) must be handled by me. Although I might take volunteers for that one. My main problem is keeping track of what needs to be done in my muddled head, so it seems like the list is longer than it probably is. And let's all remember one main point: school starts next Wednesday. My five precious darlings will be gone for much of the day and my hope is that the few brain cells I have that are in working order will be much less distracted at that point!
And we have about 60 percent of the house packed. So we are making huge progress. Even with the children's help.
So, there you have it. A long rambling post about why I don't post more often.
So, Sam and I were talking last night about God's goodness in the face of bad things. I mean, really, some things are just bad. Very bad. Like, say, cancer. I'm not sure why that was the first thing that popped into my head, but it makes a good example, don't you think? But you could just as easily insert financial difficulty, relational difficulty, etc., etc.. So, anyway, while we were talking God reminded me that what we see as bad He allows for our good. Not that we suddenly make it feel good just by spiritualizing it. Or somehow think it away or speak about it in flowery prose and convert it into happiness and joy-joy-joy. It doesn't magically become "good". And God is not some crazy guy sending lightning bolts of horror at us just for some kicks and to give the angels a few laughs. We can trust Him. He allows bad things for our good. His idea of what is good for us. And shouldn't that be what we desire--His idea of good? For our character to be shaped and to become more like His Son. For our thoughts to turn to Him. For a passion for Him. To see more clearly who He really is--not some caricature of Him the world has created or some 2 dimensional view of Him--ALL of Him. We should desire to see His hand in all things from start to finish--not just when things go our way and we like the results. We must trust Him regardless of our circumstances. I only know whether I really trust Him when I am standing on the edge of the abyss, afraid to fall, and He says to jump. It's easy to talk about what I would do from the safety of the path, but it's when I'm on the edge that my heart is truly revealed. People with no trials are plastic Barbies and Kens. They live a life free of trials where everything goes perfectly and they think that they've got it all under control. I don't want a life like that. I want to live my life on the edge, feeling His presence and knowing that I trust Him and I am willing to jump. My hope must be in Him and Him alone or I won't jump and I won't get to relish in the closeness of His presence and have Him carry me through my trials from start to finish. To not feel His touch and His love when I am hurting would be an empty life indeed.
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV
I was checking something on our health insurance web page and I came across this information on one claim for my monthly prescription for Gleevec that made me incredibly thankful that God has provided health insurance for our family for my leukemia. Note the amount paid by insurance and my copay.
Claim Detail
Submitted Charges: $3,304.63
Aetna's Discounted Prescription Rate: $2,792.76
Paid By Plan: $2,772.76
Total Member Responsibility: $20.00
I take back everything I have ever said against the health insurance industry. Well, maybe I just take back a few things. They can't buy my allegiance with a mere $2700 a month.
We have yet to meet someone who sees Tommy for the first time (or hundreth) and doesn't say, "He is soooo cute." He is. We have eyes and we can see that. And it's a good thing for him that he is so cute. It's a defense mechanism like animals that look like their surroundings to protect them from predators. Tommy needs this protection because while he is incredibly cute he can be incredibly frustrating. Take tonight for example. I said to all of the children, "Children, I want everyone to go do their jobs." After this Rachel made a comment about a job that Tommy had already done and the children went off to work. All except Tommy. When I returned to the room he was playing under a blanket. (Doing what I don't know.) When I said, "Did you hear me say 'Children, I want you to go do your jobs'?" He replied, "Oh, yes." And did he hear what Rachel said after that? He repeated it almost verbatim. My next question: "So why were you playing and not doing your job?" Tommy's answer: "I didn't hear you tell me to." His dad had to deal with him at that point because I was standing there with my mouth open, unable to move.
Well, I've done it. At least I think I have. After spending much time attempting to figure out this whole blog thing I am attempting my first post. My hope is that this will keep everyone updated on my ongoing "condition" as well as giving me a place for the random thoughts that seem to occupy my brain much of the day.
So, my "condition." It sounds very dramatic when I say it that way doesn't it? My medicine dosage was cut in half about two months ago and it took a while, but my counts seem to be coming up into a safer zone than they had been. My white count was down to below 2000 for several weeks(it's supposed to be between 5,000 and 10,000) but at this point I am hovering in the 3,000 range. I meet with my doctor next week, so we'll see if things are okay or not.
And now the big question: How am I feeling? Well, that depends on the day. No, actually it depends on the hour. I still have bouts of being tired, but I am getting used to that. It comes and goes throughout the day, but is not necessarily debilitating. I have a few other miscellaneous side effects but they too are minor at this point and only mildly annoying. I won't bore you with the details. Unless of course you want me to bore you with the details. Maybe I can save that for a day when I have nothing else I can think of to share and you have nothing else you can think of to read.
Well, I have much more to say and I am thrilled that I now have a place to say it. Who knows how good I will be at being consistent with this once the newness wears off. We'll see. I've never been known for being too strong in the consistency category though! But there is always hope for change!
